Where did you get a picture of my penis
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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