Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
