I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
