I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
