So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize