this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
