Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
