I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
try to milk me bitch
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