DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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