Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
