Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize