stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
