Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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