Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize