How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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