I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
