I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
