I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
