TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
