the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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