Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
