Christians are straight up FREAKS
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
