He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
