he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
