went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
