I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
