just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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