kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
