The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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