I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
