Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
