Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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