I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
