he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
