And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
