8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
