You're completely useless in the revolution.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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