it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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