also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
