i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
