May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
