please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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