Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
