OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
