Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
