if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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