I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
