I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
