Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize