We named our party play list daddy issues
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
