omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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