I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
