Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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