I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
