I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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