You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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