Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
