ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize