sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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