Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
