I just made out with a guy for $7.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
