Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is Oprah even human
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
