i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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