batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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