3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize