i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize