You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
